About 15 years ago or so, I worked at the Vegetarian Restaurant with a beautiful and talented young girl named Brit Biribauer from France. We became fast friends and talked at length about music, and making things, and the ups and downs of life. She recorded an album with her musician boyfriend Luc (which I still have in my record collection) and was aspiring to be a singer and dancer, and with all her talent I didn’t have any hesitation that she just might make it. I found myself wondering about her today, out of the blue, about her lovely smile and cute French accent, and what she might be up to these days. As the day progressed, my mind wandered here and there, I got busy doing things and thus, forgot about the lovely Brit once again.

Rick and I try to get to the Dufferin Park Farmer’s Market every Thursday, to pick up fruits and veggies, and to enjoy the walk through the park. Today, we bought some root veggies, kale and apples and dined on crepes and burritos for dinner, while standing in the rain listening to a dreadlocked musician strumming a tune on his guitar. We bought him a burrito too 🙂 But standing there, next to him, a face I recognized from many years back. A man, a baby. We smile and nod, and I eventually say to him, “I know you, but I’m not sure where from”. He responded with “Yes, I know your face too”. And as we were wondering where, Brit’s memory came back to me and voila! la connection! Luc! Apparently, Brit is back in France and is doing very well there, and Luc has moved on to become a wonderful daddy 🙂 Next time I see him, I will ask for Brit’s email address.

Don’tcha just love those out of the blue moments? I sure do 😉

…so does my psyche it seems. As much as I love this time of the year, it also seems to weigh heavy on my soul. Everywhere I look there are reminders of loved ones who have passed on to the other side. I can see their sad faces in the barren trees and the rocks, in the dying flowers and reflected in the pools of cold rain water. It’s as though I can feel all the sadness of the world, of all the dearly departed souls that have been laid to rest, and especially of those souls who haven’t found that final resting place. I’ve always been sensitive to the energies around me, and this time of the year is notorious for this kind of thing. And so, I find myself in that precarious in-between place, where life and death are co-mingled, and it’s enervating to say the least. I feel listless and tired, like I could sleep for days on end, and dream the odd dreams that seem to come to me at this time of year. Not really my dreams, but those of others it would seem, some are happy, some are sad, but they’re filled with strangers that I do not know. In some ways, these dreams seem to fulfill a need, whether they are thoughts that require transmission or feelings that need to be expressed, I seem to dream them. Often I’ll wake up forlorn or pining for someone I do not know – it can at times be very disconcerting. Some of those feelings stay with me all day, or are in my thoughts off and on during the day. I try to not let them get to me, but at times it happens. Sometimes I have dreams of those I do know, departed beloved pets come to visit, deceased friends and family sometimes come to call, and those are the dreams that I like. All these dreams make me feel thankful that I’m still alive and can experience life in all its forms, in full colour, with sound, feeling and depth. So in this time, so close to death, strive to see the life that’s around you and say thank you for that, but also, connect with those in your life who have passed on and if you have anything to tell them, say it, they’re listening and probably want to talk to you too…

I had a fantastic time this past weekend! I was asked by a friend to do visuals for Naissance in Peterborough and it really gave me some good practice. Ron and Scott came along for support and I learned alot from Scott who sat beside me at times and showed me some good tips on using Resolume and just being a good VJ in general. Scott has had alot of practice and is now working full time as a VJ at a top Toronto club. Way to go Scott! Ron had some videos to show as well, but unfortunately, his computer was having hissy fits and not co-operating with what he wanted to do. He did a great job of taking over for me when I needed a break, and also many thanks for driving us all up to the party! Thanks Ron!! For their first party, this collective did an awesome job! I felt such an honour to be part of it. The psy scene in Peterborough is small but so nice – everyone is super friendly and caring – you can tell they all love each other very much and have been friends for some time. Their local chapter of Food not Bombs supplied an amazing vegan feast for everyone before the actual partying started. The food was SO good and it was so very nice to be able to share food with great people and have some awesome conversations in the meantime. Everyone worked so hard at putting on this party and it sure showed. Thanks to everyone who made this such a fantastic time. YOU ALL ROCKED MY WORLD!!! 🙂

Afterwards, we went to an afterparty where I got the opportunity to get to know some of these great people. It’s so inspiring to see young people work so well together. It sometimes reminds me of the pagananarchovegan days of my early 20’s and some of the things that we used to try to accomplish. It seems this has come full circle for me, but is SO much better than it used to be! YAY!! We headed home in the afternoon so I could go to my brother’s 40th birthday party in the evening. I think this is going to be a very busy spring/summer!

My sister in law put on a fantastic party for my brother. All of our cousins were there, some of our aunts and uncles as well as lots of Phil’s friends and co-workers. The house was full! Happy Birthday Phil!! I hope you are around for a long time yet. I love ya!! We headed back around 11:30 or so, as I was pretty darned tired (hadn’t really slept since Friday morning!) and Rick wanted to head to another party, so he dropped me off, and did dog duty while I fell into bed and dreamt of spinning kaleidoscopes, streaming starscapes, and the summer to come. Sunday was spent with a few friends with the bonus of a walk with the dogs to the mudpit that is Trinity-Bellwoods park. The spring thaw is certainly upon us, and Little Bear and Adhara had a fantastic time running around and getting super wet and muddy. We walked home on the main roads so that they could dry off some before we got back to the house. Nothing like crazy muddy dogs!! (and a good thing too!) as now I have some extra cleaning to do. 🙂

*happysigh*

I have a coffee cup that was given to me by my first boyfriend Kevin for my 17th birthday. I’ve kept it close for 25 years now and it’s always made me feel better, and inspired me to figure it out, whatever it might be. On it is an inspirational piece of writing by Barbara Smallwood and Steve Kilborn. Read it, and see if you feel better too! 🙂

Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve. Dream great dreams, and make them come true. Do it now. You are unique. In all the history of the world there was never anyone else exactly like you, and in all the infinity to come there will never be another you. Never affirm self-limitations. What you believe yourself to be, you are. To accomplish great things, you must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost – put foundations under them. Yes you can. Believing is magic. You can always better your best. You don’t know what you can do until you fly. Nothing will come of nothing. If you don’t go out on a limb, you’re never going to get the fruit. There is no failure except in no longer trying. Hazy goals produce hazy results. Clearly define your goals. Write them down, make a plan for achieving them, set a deadline, visualize the results and go after them. Just don’t look back unless you want to go that way. Defeat may test you; it need not stop you. If at first you don’t succeed, try another way. For every obstacle, there is a solution. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. The greatest mistake is giving up. Wishing will not bring success, but planning, persistence and a burning desire will. There is a gold mine within you from which you can extract all the necessary ingredients. Success is an attitude. Get yours right. It is astonishing how short a time it takes for very wonderful things to happen. Now, show us the colours of your rainbow.

Suffice it to say it was a wonderful, interesting and surprising weekend. Sometimes I wonder if I should be pinching myself on a regular basis just to see if I’m dreaming or not. Usually I feel as though I have a pretty good grip on reality, but once in a while, something or someone will come along that could possibly change your life forever. I seem to be meeting quite a few of these people lately – and life could very definitely become a more interesting place to be for a while. Hmmmm…. 🙂

New Zealand – the place where two very special people travelled from over a year ago, and the place where these two very special people have gone back to. It’s an absolutely breathtaking place, and when I travelled there (0ver 10 years ago now!) I fell in love with the land, the people, the culture, the Maori, the sea, the sheep, the hills, the valleys, the trees, the plants – just about everything. I cried for days when I had to leave, it felt as though part of my heart had been torn out. Mind you, I think I did leave a piece of my heart behind, if only in hopes that I would have to go back there one day to get it. Such a magical place, unlike any other place in the world. A small piece of land with so much energy and beauty, a place that I will indeed visit again one day.

When I first met Ash and Elisa, I knew we would quickly become friends. They were interesting, talented, fun, funny, intelligent, beautiful inside and out, had the best accents, and knew how to have a great time despite anyone’s attempt to hinder it. I was well aware of what I was getting into when I met then, what I was unaware of however, was how much I would miss them once they were gone.

Ash’s deep and intuitive nature is so apparent when it comes to making his music, it completely fills me with feeling and visions from this far away place – I can feel his native land coming through in the beats, I can feel the pulse of his lifeforce in his music, I can connect to the place, the time, the beauty of the Land of the Long White Cloud, and in an instant of closing my eyes and opening up my inner vision, I am there with him. Thank you Ash, for opening up those beautiful places within me. I will truly miss you, but I know that I will see you again one day, and I look forward to hearing your crazy laugh and seeing your wonderful, knowing smile.

Elisa quickly became an awesome friend that I know I don’t want to live without. Her positive attitude, beautiful smile, uncanny ability to make one feel better just by being there, and amazing organizational abilities were a constant inspiration to me. I felt as though I could do just about anything with her by my side, and I know that she’s but an email, phonecall, or thought away, however, I still wish she was closer. I look forward to the day when we can just be our happy-go-lucky silly selves again, dancing up the sun, watching the dogs at the park, sharing music and pictures, or just talking until the wee hours of the morning. I will truly miss you girl, but I know I will see you again one day.

Both Ash and Elisa have touched my life in so many ways, I can’t even begin to count them. They are both truly beautiful people and I am truly blessed to have met them. I wish them HEAPS of love, happiness, and success in their lives, and will wait patiently until we can meet again! (the sooner, the better!)