Wow, sometimes I baffle myself. I often take on more than I can handle and often frustrate myself in doing so. The thing is, I usually get it all done and then some, and then I wonder why I’m so tired (or wired) when I finally slow down enough to sit and think about it. I’ve always worked in this back asswards kind of way – I guess it’s my way of challenging myself, just to see what I can accomplish. I’m a procrastinator by nature it seems, and though I love to plan my days, I can’t really plan in those days that I’m feeling off somehow, and unfortunately those days really throw me for a loop. I usually have the best intentions in mind, but often find myself short on energy or will or inclination, and this in itself frustrates the heck outta me. You’d think I’d learn to be more forgiving with myself, but it’s usually the opposite – I get down on myself because I can’t accomplish all the things I want to, but I’ve already set myself up to fail, and I get annoyed at myself because I can’t finish what I’ve set out to do. It’s no wonder I really liked merry-go-rounds as a child (and still do!), as I find myself going round and round and round more often than not. I suppose it’s that cyclical way of thinking (most women think in this manner), and I guess it allows us to multitask in ways that only women seem to know how. We are thinking of the dozens of things we need to do in the future and planning our days in our heads, so that we know what we are required to accomplish sooner than later, and all the while, doing the things that need to be done now, so that we can make our lives easier in the long run. Women are amazing and I’m truly happy that I am one, however, if I could just spend one day a week thinking like a man (more linear and direct) I think I could make a bit more progress in life. I certainly wouldn’t want to think like a man all the time, that would drive me crazier than I already am, but once in a while it would be nice to just focus on one thing at a time.

I really think that I have a hyperextensive brain, I can think and plan things far into the future, and keep so many details in my head, it’s rather annoying because I’m always thinking, and because I’m always thinking sometimes the little things get missed. I try to pay attention to everything and that’s possibly the crux of my problem. I feel I have an oversensitive system and because of that I learn and grow and experience so much so quickly, that I feel I can’t keep up to myself sometimes! My brain always wants more, but my body says “Slow down already!” If I didn’t actually require sleep, I probably wouldn’t do so – there’s just so much to do, so much to learn and I hate wasting time doing nothing. Then, there are those days, when the mind says “Let’s go!” and when the body just can’t get it together, and a super frustrating day is born, and the cycle starts all over again. *sigh* Are these the rambling thoughts of a crazy person? Or am I just caught up in a neverending cycle of thinking that I’m actually accomplishing something tangible in my life. I suppose if I had less to stress about (read: managing my *stuff*), I’d have more time to do those things that I’d really like to do – like read more or make art, or just sit and listen to the birds or spend time with friends I haven’t seen in a while. Another thing is, my brain needs order, and when things are in disorder, my brain isn’t happy, and when I can only see the disorder, this makes me crazy. I know the answer – less stuff, less stress, and I AM working on that, slowly, but surely. But, for now, I guess I’ll just have to be happy being crazy. 🙂