Well, here we are again, ready for another trip around the mulberry bush. If only life were that easy. I sometimes long to be a child again, to have someone else be responsible for my health and well-being, to be carefree, and unaware of all the troubles in my world and the world around me. I’m at the age now where everything is smack dab in the middle of my vision and sometimes I can’t help but to want to escape into another reality. I know that I am surrounded by wonderful family and friends, I have a great life, but it has always seemed like something was and is still missing. I had a very tumultuous and somewhat sad childhood, then dysfunctional teenage years, which eventually led to tumultuous and dysfunctional adult years. I feel as though I’ve never known peace, and that every new year that comes along will just be another confused and dysfunctional time in my life. I have been trying for years to truly get my shit together, and every time I think I’m making progress, something happens, whether internal or external, of my own doing or not – I feel as though I just can’t figure it out. I know that there are alternative treatments out there, such as chiropractic work, nutritional therapy, psychological therapy and probably a hundred others. I will be trying out more of these, to try to find something that works for a long term effect. I’m a stubborn person with a rather weak consitution at the moment, and yes, this is of my own doing, trying to cope with things that I can’t control, and feeling like a miserable failure for not being able to figure it out. Such is my life lately. I do hope that something will work, because I’m very tired of feeling this way about myself and about life in general. I’ve been hiding for so long now that I’m not sure where to even start to find a way out. Old habits die hard, but I guess I’ll have to start somewhere.

All the best in 2009 to everyone who might read this. I hope your year is full of health and happiness, new opportunities and the love of friends and family, and of course, the love of your own self, because that’s as important as anything else.

Love,

kim