Today I’m feeling pretty good, tomorrow might be another story, but there is hope on the horizon (like the title says!). I’m seeking therapy for my rollercoaster-riding psyche, I’ll be holding on tight at times I’m sure, but there will be moments where I will let go joyfully just to feel that rush of fear whoosh by my conscience, cast out in all directions, gone forever with hopes that I will never have to see that fear again.  I am glad I’ve taken the first step, and I know that the steps will get easier with time.

After an appointment with my doctor yesterday, we decided that I wasn’t really crazy, just misguided and there there are ways of dealing with said misguidedness.  Because of my nature (i’m a capricorn with a grand earth trine) it takes a long time for things to sink in sometimes. I enjoy change, but not too fast. I can move towards something, but not too quickly.  If I don’t have all my ducks in order, I might not proceed and if I do, it’ll be at a snail’s pace. This has always been frustrating to me. I see people who can move quickly, think quickly, do quickly, and get on with their lives and I envy them because they make it seem so effortless. I am a heavy load to bear, and my burdens, whether imagined or real, come with me wherever I go.  I know that much of my self-worth comes directly from how I am feeling at any given time about myself. I am trying to feel better about myself, but will have to come up with a whole new way of looking at my life. At the moment, I feel as though I’m stuck in a downward spiral (and you know how much I love spinning!) – but I want it to be an upward spiral (because going up is so much more fun!), and so I’m working towards this, albeit slowly, but I’ll get there.  One day soon, I’ll be able to see over the horizon, going up towards the light, and it’ll be the best day ever!

In the meantime, I found a little friend called Faith to help me along.  He’s going to be my constant companion, reminding me that I must have faith in myself to succeed.  He’s sitting right beside my computer and he lets me know that without a doubt, faith exists and it’s up to me to have it.  I’m looking forward to the day when I will meet my old self again.  I’m sure she’s been quite lonely without me. 🙂