I often catch myself paying attention to the ongoing discourse that’s going on in my head. Sometimes the voice is loud and sometimes it is soft. I sometimes stop to answer this inside voice, and at times, I look as though I’m in a deep conversation with myself. My facial expressions will change, I’ll sometimes laugh out loud or look perplexed, and I’ll often talk to myself. Does everyone do this at times or am I just a senile person waiting to happen? I often wonder.

When I am wandering around on a lovely day, going about my business, there are a few things that I automatically do when interacting with the outside world. I wonder if these interactions make me seem as though I am a little crazy. As I wander, I will try to make eye contact with everyone who passes by me, and offer them a smile. Sometimes I get one in return and sometimes I don’t. If they don’t smile back, it’s ok, I don’t take it personally. I will smile at dogs and cats, at plants, at clouds, at couples interacting, at children, at policemen, at other crazy people, and even at statuary. I talk to strangers, I stop to smell the flowers, I watch out for people in need, and often to stop to gaze in wonder at a particularly creative store window, or other interesting scenes. Do these actions simply make me observant or is there something else going on here?

I also often wonder if I spend too much time alone. I feel comfortable with myself, I enjoy my own company and I can certainly amuse myself anywhere, anytime with anything, but I wonder if this is normal. When there’s no one else around, it’s easy to sing out loud, or laugh, or dance or get caught up in the ever fascinating world of watching bugs in my garden. I feel happy and calm when I’m with myself, just doing the little silly things that I do. There’s no stress (except for the ‘you really should be doing something more productive’ voice that I hear at these times), and I know there are more productive things that I could be doing, but I have to let myself play too. It’s like these little moments of ‘insanity’ will help me stay sane in the long run. Perhaps I just have too much on my mind and it’s a way that I can let my mind wander without bounds. I really need to learn how to channel my excessive energy into something creative and fun, and quell the nagging that goes on in my brain at times. Silly brain! How can you possibly make plans to take over the world when there’s so much else to do?